Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize