No stitches, just platelets and will power
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
