Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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