Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I need moral support for this bender
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He better not be in your backpack
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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