At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
