I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
