We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm always down for nudity.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
