I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
