The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My dad is sitting where you rode me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
