So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
