Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
