I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
