how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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