R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Randomize
