First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
