planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
