new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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