Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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