You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
