my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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