That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this will be a night to untag.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
