why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
