We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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