Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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