ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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