i think my tv is drunk
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
