I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So much rum. So many feels.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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