I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
