Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Vodka?
Forever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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