We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
