C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
