guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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