i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
