I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
