your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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