Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A bitchslap is in order.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
