I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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