but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
