Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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