just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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