White coat. Heels.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
