angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
