I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
