You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
