is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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