thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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