i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
