The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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