Betty ford says i'm here all night
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
