a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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