Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?