She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?