my vag is so smooth its legendary
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.