I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
