From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
only you would photoshop your dick
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..