i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.