so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
