I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
