she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
