i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
