I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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