what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the condom got lost in my hair
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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