I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
