you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
