oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
