Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
