I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its not stalking. its research.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
