I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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