If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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