I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
