We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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