omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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