i'm signing you up for texting rehab
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
