So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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