things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
