Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
