I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
