I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
