im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
