never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
