How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
