i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
