i dont even know how to be here
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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